Wednesday, August 3, 2011

The Kid is Alright But the Donor Passed Away by Marla Ruth Allisan - Resolve New England Newsletter

I read this article last week in the Resolve of New England Quarterly Newsletter.  It brought me to tears.  I cannot imagine the frustration that this family must have felt.  Making the choice of what type of donor you will use, bank vs. known donor, vs. bank willing-to-be-known donor, is a huge one, to say the least.  To have made the choice that this family did to use a willing to be known donor, and then only to have just a moment's brush with the donor, is just so sad to me.  This is not something that I had ever thought of before, it likely doesn't happen often, but it does happen.

If you're having trouble viewing the .pdf within the blog, you can download load the article by clicking here.





While I was looking for the above article via the magic of Google, I came across another post: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/parenting-facts-and-arguments/my-daughters-sperm-donor-died/article1705132/

There are so many reasons to choose sperm from a bank:

  1. All donors are carefully screened for std's
  2. Assurance that you don't have to wait for termination of donor's parental rights
  3. Certain genetic disorders can be ruled out since many banks routinely test for these things
  4. Ability to obtain the sample without the awkwardness of the in-person transfer
  5. You have only your feelings and the feelings of your partner (if applicable) to consider, not the donor's or the donor's partner/family
  6. You don't have to worry about the donor getting cold feet
  7. I'm sure there are a million other things I've not thought of (actually, what are your other reasons?)
 While a known donor, that is present in your life, may also die, you have the unique ability to form a relationship as the child grows.  In the case of choosing a willing-to-be-known donor, you must wait, in most cases, until the child has turned 18.  The concept of open donation through a bank is actually a wonderful concept, that I do hope will catch on at some point.  I think more people would choose a donor known to them if there was the added security of having the bank as a 3rd party that handles all of the legal stuffs.

On the heels of last evening's chat with my Maybe Baby Donor, I received today, the results of my Cystic Fibrosis Carrier Test and my Tay-Sachs enzyme test.  Both are negative, so hooray for that.  At least now, I know I won't need to worry about getting future donors tested should the need arise.  Honestly, this news did not do much to boost how I'm feeling today.  It seems absurd to be so disappointed about this, but I am.  I'm very pleased with the results, but I would've been over the moon under better circumstances.  It's a bummer that I finally get to this point where I'm just about ready to start with insems, only to have,  what I thought, was nearly a sure thing -- just fall apart.  Okay, it hasn't totally fallen apart, but that nearly-sure-thing part has.

Last night, I came home and instead of crying, which is what I really felt I wanted to do, I blasted some music and danced my ass off.  It was more dancing out of desperation to find that TRUST in the Universe that I keep talking about.  Today, I've been thinking a lot about the distinction between Joy and Happiness.  They aren't the same thing.  I certainly don't feel happy today, but I recognize the presence of Joy and I'm letting her in.  This is the wonderful thing about feelings, you can layer them on and experience them, and together, like friends, they get you through the tough times; for without Joy and Hope there would only be despair and sadness.

Donor Drama- Second Thoughts


As I will soon approach the time for the first insem, I decided to do a check in with my donor to be sure that everyone was on the same page.  I wanted to be sure that his partner was still on board and that they have had a good conversation about this, and about how she might feel if I got pregnant, etc.   Baby Donor agreed that this was a good idea, and we talked for the first time about some of the logistics of obtaining the sample, etc, in serious terms.  We've brushed over much of this before over the last 18 or so months since we began discussing this, but it was never entirely in a serious tone.  I mean, really, when you're talking about someone whacking off into a cup, you can only be so mature.  Well, at least I have limits.  Humor is what makes a very heavy, serious, topic a little lighter, and a little easier to discuss.  He always jokes about how I can only have the sample if it is transferred the ol' fashioned way, etc.  

The fact is, what makes him a desirable and perfect candidate, is the very thing that also makes him a liability and a this-isn't-going-to-work kind of donor.  He has a huge heart.  He's caring, and thoughtful and smart. So, here is what transpired: 


Me: So... I know you're super busy.  I just need to know if I should seek an alternative solution to my um... needs.  :-)  You don't need to explain your decision; I just need to know either way. I will not be upset, or hurt, or have any negative feelings.

3:41:14 PM: Baby Donor: I know you wouldn’t ... you’re too cool for that ...
 3:41:48 PM: Baby Donor: I have to be honest though, J... I am starting to have concerns... That I never considered before....

3:42:04 PM: Me: Totally understood.

 3:42:14 PM: Baby Donor: so daughter is 14

3:42:14 PM: Me: It's better to fully think it out now...

3:42:30 PM: Baby Donor: yeah ... and I never even thought twice about it .. until this past week
3:42:41 PM: Baby Donor: meaning , I never thought I would be concerned
3:42:51 PM: Baby Donor: ok so daughter is 14
3:43:06 PM: Baby Donor: and is the only thing tying me to this state....
3:44:04 PM: Baby Donor: am I the type of person that could do this ... and have no attachment / connection etc... I don’t think I am ...
4:09:12 PM: Baby Donor: so I started to think long and hard about it ... and I know what you are looking for.... I don’t think I can do it, there is no way I could walk away or not be involved in some sort of way ... It really wouldn’t be fair to you, me , daughter , or partner ... as soon as daughter hits college we are moving back south
4:09:46 PM: Baby Donor: I am so sorry.
4:10:18 PM: Baby Donor: not saying its 100% final ... and we can talk more ... but don’t want you to miss other opportunities /avenues

4:10:25 PM: Me: i totally understand
4:10:38 PM: Me: Well, I've been advised to never stipulate what the relationship will be once the child is born.
 Ideally, in my world where everything is perfect and blissful, I envision something like the role of an uncle.  However, I have no desire to try to co-parent with someone that is not my partner.  This sounds cold, but otherwise, things get much too complicated.
 Obviously, being advised not to stipulate a relationship has to do with intent and severing of parental rights. 
 So, I never pictured that you'd be in the day to day picture, but I did imagine that you would be present in some capacity and hopefully in an important way.  If you were to move out of state, hopefully the relationship would allow for it to evolve into something that could work.  One of the main points of my wanting a known donor was so that this would be a possibility, but it is something that I cannot promise.  Though, it is something that I do hope would eventually be comfortable for everyone. 
 Part of what makes you so wonderful and why I asked you, is your thoughtful and kind nature, but it's also the same part of you that makes you doubt your ability to have no connection/attachment.  I'm not really asking for no connection or attachment, I just don't want to share parenting with you or day to day decision making about the child with you. 
 My heart is open to the possibility to include you/daughter/partner/ in whatever capacity seems comfortable to everyone.  Like an extended family, but not like parents.
4:12:46 PM: Me: the severing of parental rights is a legality that is necessary for both of our protection, yours for financial protection so that i would never have any legal grounds for child support
4:20:10 PM: Me: I've always felt that if I was adopted or a child from a donor, that I would have a strong desire to know my roots.  I know biology is only part of the picture, but any child of mine I believe would want to know.  It's important for me to have that door open.  I know a couple of people that have wonderful relationships and have built wonderful extended families with their donors.  In my heart of hearts, I hope that's what would happen. (But these same people also stressed the importance of not putting that in the contract.)
4:20:45 PM: Me: I'm happy to let you continue to think on it.  I'll continue to keep my options open and we can revisit again when it looks like I'll be ready to try.
4:21:37 PM: Me: My cycle is all bizarre right now since the hemorrhage and I have some medical-ish things that need to happen first anyway.  so, my initial schedule has been pushed back. And honestly, I'm so touched an honored that you even considered it to begin with.

Baby Donor: J , ty for being so understanding... and Like I said .. its not a "NO" ...lets keep discussing and thinking  etc... so that when we/you are closer we can figure it out
4:51:11 PM: Baby Donor: I just wanted me some J...
4:51:13 PM: Baby Donor: lol
4:51:14 PM: Baby Donor: :-)

4:51:15 PM: Me: I think that sounds like a lovely plan.
4:51:17 PM: Me: lol

4:51:43 PM: Baby Donor: totally teasing .. and please don’t think i am brushing you off ... etc.. definitley not the case .. work stinks fro me now

4:51:44 PM: Me: This is not your everyday situation, it requires lots of dialogue

4:51:48 PM: Baby Donor: amen

4:51:52 PM: Me: and humor
4:52:50 PM: Me: And as I said before, it's best to discuss these things now rather than later.  I mean, we can only do so much preparing, but it's good to talk through them in the abstract as preparation, vs. trying to navigate it blind, later.
4:53:34 PM: Me: And I never for once felt as though you were brushing me off, you're a thoughtful person, it never even crossed my mind.
4:53:48 PM: Me: And I value, so much, that you can be honest.  It's the only way this would ever even work.

4:54:12 PM: Baby Donor: agreed... and ty

4:55:03 PM: Me: Thank YOU.

After this conversation, I felt deflated and yet glad to know that he has put real thought into this.  I also realized that I was way more attached to having him as the donor than I realized.  While I would rather know these things now, before there is a baby to consider, part of me is truly crushed.  I understand and respect his position, but I am also saddened by it.  I'm buoyed by the thought that he is still open to the idea, and still processing things.  But I'm crushed to think that I'm back at square 1.  For so many reasons.  It's difficult to pick a donor, there is much to be considered.  

  1. What kind of person are they?  
  2. What's their sexual history? 
  3. How many partners have they had? 
  4. How many serious relationships?  
  5. What's their current partner's sexual history?  
  6. What is their medical background?  
  7. Will they be willing to get testing done -- both for STD's but also DNA tests for genetic diseases?  
  8. Are they fertile?
  9. Would they be willing to submit to a sperm test?
  10. Are they willing to terminite parental rights?
  11. Do you see this person as someone with whom you can speak openly and honestly?
  12. Is this someone that you can trust ?
  13. Is this someone you would like to see in your extended family?
There is a lot to go through before you get to that first insem.  

I went to see a psychic a couple of weekends ago.  She told me to trust in the Universe. I'm trying, I'm REALLY TRYING, but there is so much riding on this.  I really, really, really, want to work with this donor.  Maybe all of this is because Mecury is in retrograde... I should never have addressed this now... or at least that's what the astrologers say....

How did you decide on which donor to use?  What was your process? I'm curious -- for both known and unknown donors, how did you go about making your donor selection?  I've looked into some banks, but it feels strange to me.  It feels like I'm picking my baby out of a catalog. It feels a little bit like shopping for a shed-- with little more to go on other than features and maybe a photo or two, it ends up feeling so shallow.  The essays and voice clips just don't seem to be enough for me.  And then I get hung up on whether or not I'd even want to be friends with this person, never mind put their sperm inside of me.  

And then... there is the issue of cost.  I cannot afford sperm bank sperm. I simply cannot... and I still really would like to use a known donor.  I want my child to have the opportunity to know its roots intimately if he or she desires. A sperm bank just doesn't provide for that opportunity. 

Sunday, July 31, 2011

The Joy Up - Adding **SPARKLE** to your life




The Joy Up starts tomorrow, this is something we could participate in together, will you join me?

I hoping to learn how to TRUST in the universe, see joy in everything, and to live in the moment.  I'm having some donor drama -- in the form of silence that is killing me.  These next 10 days I hope will lead me to clarity, honesty with myself, and JOY IN EVERYTHING.  You know you want to...

As for the donor drama, I'm waiting to hear the results of the last conversation he is to have with his partner on whether or not we are going to move forward from here.  He's been super busy, so I understand, but he probably has no idea that the waiting is DRIVING ME CRAZY.  If the answer is no, I'm okay with that.  This in between is maddening.  Where is my joy? JOY NOW.  :-)

In the meantime, I wait for DNA results for Tay-Sachs and Cystic Fibrosis -- results should come this week.  Fingers crossed please!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Herbal Mishap (I think.)

This cycle, I decided that I was REALLY going to faithfully take the Vitex that I purchased a couple of months ago.  So, I started on CD1 taking the recommended dosage on the bottle.

I started taking the Vitex because I have read in approximatley one trillion nine hundred ninety seven thousand places that it can aid in lengthening the luteal phase.  It is also supposed to be great for regulating hormones in general.  Since getting my cycle and ovulation back, my luteal phase has been a few days too short according to what everyone says it should be.  Since I'm hoping to start inseming in the next month or two, I wanted to be sure that it would be long enough to support a pregnancy.

My period was unremarkable -- it's still tending to run a bit long, but it finished at CD9.  Around CD5, I started getting REALLY sore breasts and I was STARVING and CRAVING salt and chocolate.  I found this a bit puzzling since I usually get these symptoms with PMS. Though, since my cycle resumed these symptoms weren't really that prevalent.  I didn't think much of it I assumed the vitex was just doing it's thing.

Suddenly, on the evening of CD12 - Friday July 2, I started bleeding again.  But this time it was HEAVY.  I mean really heavy.  And it just kept getting worse.  On Sunday morning, I was bleeding through a super+ tampon an hour.  This is the point at which things are not safe if they continue.  So, I called my doctor and they wanted to put me on progesterone to stop the bleeding.  By this point, I decided to stop taking the Vitex in case that was the cause.  I bargained with the doctor and agreed to pick up the progesterone, but not take it yet.  She said that was fine providing that I was not, weak, light headed, having chest pains, or nausea.  If any of that happened I was to get thee to the ER at Women & Infants immediately.

 So, I picked up the Rx and then drove to the health food store to try to get some natural progesterone cream.  I figured this would be a bit more gentle than a pill form progesterone.  As you know, I am not a fan of chemically altering my body, but I am also not a fan of bleeding to death.  So, I applied  A TON of cream to shock my body into stopping the bleeding.  It lessened, but only marginally. A woman at the health food store recommended that I try to source some Shepherd's Purse.  It is excellent in stopping bleeding, particularly bleeding of the uterus. Unfortunately, they were out.  I searched high and low (meaning I stayed home and waddled to the toilet every 45 minutes, while H toured the state's Whole Paycheck locations looking for a tincture and speaking with strange men about my excessive bleeding and blood clots.  As you can imagine, I was VERY popular.)  but could not find any.  A desperate post was made to facebook to see if any of my birthy friends had any.

I then decided to call my acupuncturist.  We've become friendly over the years and I thought just MAYBE she might have something magical to make it stop.  I went to her house (because she is awesome) and she gave me a treatment and some very foul smelling pills.  Again, the bleeding lessened some where I was able to get through every 1.5 hours or so, but it was still really heavy and showing no signs of stopping.  I was thinking in terms of avoiding the ER, so I was pleased with that bit of progress.  Still, this couldn't continue.

By Monday, July 4, my desperate pleas for Shepherd's Purse were answered.  I had two friends recommend the same woman!  The best part, she has an apothecary in her house and she was willing to see me on the 4th of July! 

Apparently Sheperd's Purse is in the mustard family... and the tincture kind of smells mustardy, but doesn't taste like it.  I don't know what it tastes like, but it doesn't taste nearly as terrible as it smells.  And if you put it in a flavored water of some sort, you won't even notice it.

After two doses of Sheperd's Purse, the bleeding lessened significantly and within two days it ceased altogether.  Tuesday, I went to the doctor and she sent me for an ultrasound and a whole bunch of blood work.  Everything came back normal again, (woo hoo!) but with the history of strange bleeding that I've had and messy cycles, she thought it made sense to an endometrial biopsy.  She wasn't overly concerned, but it was a last ditch rule out sort of thing just to be sure.

I will say this about the endometrial biopsy, it wasn't terrible.  Mostly I felt a lot of pressure on my cervix as the pipelle was inserted.  I just did a lot of slow, even deep rhythmic breathing   (ocean breathing from yoga) and let my body be as loose and limp as possible.  Basically, I gave myself the same advice I give to my birthing clients.  Release all tension and just try to relax.  It worked pretty well until I stopped focusing because I wasn't feeling any discomfort.  I recommend just staying focused.  Once the pipelle is in, there is a bit of cramping. I can't liken it to menstrual cramping, because, well, I NEVER get cramps.  So, this was new a sensation for me.  I could feel the movement of the pipelle as it was moved around, and I feel like maybe there cramps coincided with the pipelle touching the inside of my uterus.  The whole thing was very quick, I felt momentarily light headed at the end as she was pulling it out, but other than that I was totally fine.  There was a small bit of spotting (this was done 2 days after my bleeding had stopped), and maybe a fullness feeling in my uterus for an hour or so.  I never required any ibuprofen or anything before or afterward.  So, if you're reading this because you've googled Endometrial Biopsy, try not to worry.  Some people have likened this to the insertion of an IUD, but again, I have not had that experience either.  While, I'm not ready to sign up to have another biopsy anytime soon, it was relatively simple and just mildly uncomfortable.  I do think that if you don't relax or you tense your belly/vagina against the pipelle that it would be much more uncomfortable, so do try to stay relaxed as possible.

It took about 2 weeks (13 long, agonizing days) for the results.  Thankfully, they were negative for cancer!  I was diagnosed with disordered prolific endometrial hyperplasia  (simple).  There are several different types of hyperplasia, this one is NOT pre-cancerous.  This is caused by an imbalance of estrogen/progesterone.  Basically, because of the long history that I've had with anovulatory cycles, there was no progesterone cycling through my system to "oppose" the estrogen.  This causes the endometrium to continue to grow.  My situation seems to be improving because last summer, my endometrial lining on ultrasound was 8.6mm, but the most recent measurement shows 6mm.  If there is not enough progesterone in your system, your uterus doesn't get a signal to bleed and "clean out the shop".  So, I was bleeding some because there was SOME progesterone, but not enough to really clean house.  I think the vitex signaled a good bleed and I'm toying with the idea of taking it again.  Though, I'm a bit afraid -- at least I have Sheperd's Purse on hand.  I'm going to wait and see what happens with this cycle.  I got a positive OPK, but missed my most crucial follow up test on my ovacue monitor because I was at a birth.  So, I was not able to confirm if ovulation occurred.  At this point, I'm waiting to bleed and then monitor the next cycle really closely.  There are some vague signs (mostly zits) that indicate I may be headed in that direction.  Also, weepy.  So, something is going on, but who knows what.  What ISN'T going on is prolonged spotting.  Since the bleeding stopped there hasn't even been a peep about any more in between period bleeding, so this is good.

Next up, a trip to the Reproductive Endocrinologist.  This ought to be interesting...

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Genetic Testing

Lately, I've been thinking a lot out Cystic Fibrosis.  We recently just participated in the Great Strides walk for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. I walk every year  because my 1st cousin A has Cystic Fibrosis.  Recently, he has been taking the necessary steps to become eligible for the lung transplant list.  He's in the last round of testing and such and he'll be placed on the list soon.

My ex-husband's daughter also has CF. 

My friend high school friend, Linda, also had CF.  She passed away a few years ago -- we'd lost touch, but I heard of her passing through mutal friends.

So, I've been struggling with whether or not I want to get tested to see if I am a carrier for the CF gene.  The test is not covered by my insurance company, unless, of course, I were already pregnant.  In that case, the test would be covered.  (Isn't that a real kick in the panties?)

My cost would be $595.00 out of pocket.  This test would only look for the 23 most common CF mutations.  There are over 1000 CF mutations, so even if I tested negative for the 23 most common ones, I could, still, potentially be a carrier of one of the other 975+ mutations.

If the test comes back positive, I will then need to pay to have my donor tested for another $595.00.  I realize that this is equivalent to roughly 2 vials of sperm and that, overall, this is small potatoes in the land of fertility costs.  But part of me doesn't want to know.

My dad's side of the family has 2 people with Cystic Fibrosis.  One is a very distant cousin, and the other is my first cousin.  A is the son of my dad's sister.  My dad is one of three children.  None of his other siblings have had children with Cystic Fibrosis.  And further to that, my cousin with CF has a brother and none of his 3 children have CF either.  However, because of my family history, I would be slightly more likely to be a carrier than the average white Caucasian who has a 1 in 29 chance of being a carrier.  The gene appears to come from my paternal grandmother's side of the family.  She had 12 (TWELVE!!!) brothers and sisters and they all went on to have more than one child.  Yes, yes, I am from a Catholic, French Canadian, family. (And they love me and my lesbian self no matter what, too!) 

It's not really about the money.  I mean, it is a little because I really just don't have extra cash lying about.  I could use my FSA to cover my test, but I don't think it could be used to cover my donor's test.  The issue is that if I test positive, I will then feel compelled to have him tested. I don't want to lose this donor.  If he and I were both carriers of the CF gene, the child would have a 1 in 4 chance of having Cystic Fibrosis.  I'm not sure how much more  likely I am to be a carrier for the CF gene given my history.  He is a white Caucasian, but he is not of French Canadian descent and he has no familial history of CF on either side, so he is less likely to a carrier than me.

I'm scared.  I am so comfortable with my donor.  I trust implicitly that he would stick to the terms of our agreement.  I trust that he will be thoughtful and respectful in all of the ways that made me want to choose him in the first place.

Generally, I am an overly cautious person.  So, this resistance to have this test done is actually surprising to me.  I'm not a gambler. However, the odds appear to be in my favor.  If you scroll down to the bottom of this page, you will find a chart detailing, statistically speaking, my odds of having  a child with CF or not based on a number of different variables.

My donor currently has a daughter, she does not have CF.

It should be noted that in order for a child to have CF, BOTH parents, or in this case my genes and the donors, would need to contribute one defective gene each.

In a nutshell, if I were married to my donor, would we get tested?  Would it matter? Would we even think about it?  Would we just have children?  I have the unique opportunity to test for this because I theoretically could find another option since I am not emotionally attached to my donor.  Except that I am, just not in the marrying kind of way.  I've been chewing on this one for awhile now and I'm still not sure of what I'm going to do.

What would you do?

Saturday, June 4, 2011

12 Months Sweetened and Condensed

June 2010:

I attended a DONA International seminar where I trained to become a birth doula. It was the begining journey of finding where I feel most at home.


July 2010:

Attended a National Organization for Marriage Protest (NoM) July 18th where this happened:





http://www.prop8trialtracker.com/2010/07/18/nom-tour-tracker-todays-providence-event-became-a-shouting-match/


http://newsblog.projo.com/2010/07/demonstrators-clash-over-same-.html

http://www.marriagetour2010.com/2010/07/gay-activists-embarrass-themselves-in-providence/

and then they lied about it! They were NOISE makers!

http://www.marriagetour2010.com/2010/07/%E2%80%9Cwe-brought-children-they-brought-rocks%E2%80%9D%E2%80%94one-mother%E2%80%99s-account-of-the-providence-rally/



August 2010:



omg! I saw Debbie Gibson in Cirque Du Soleil!!!!!!!!! She smiled and WINKED AT ME!


We started looking at houses on the single hottest day of the entire year, I'm pretty sure. It was miserable!



September 2010:

I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease after having suffered from a painful "fatty liver" with very elevated liver enzymes, and a strange rash all over my body. Funny, this conincided with me finding a delicious rice blend that included black barley.... and I proceeded to eat it every day with dinner. Needless to say, I sadly threw out the rice blend... and it's delish little poison barley bits.

As part of the diagnosis to find out what was going on with my liver, I had 2 ultrasounds. While they were at it, I asked them to check out my ovaries.

After 19 months of acupuncture and herbs (and no f'ing birth control pills!!!) I received my first NORMAL ultrasound in over 10 years! My ovaries no longer appeared cystic and enlarged! They were NORMAL! My cycle was still a bit odd (now I was bleeding all of the time instead of never), but things were improving! And I had scientific PROOF!

Ladies, if you have been diagnosed with Lactose Intolerance, IBS, GERD, or have had strange symptoms like face flushing and burning, heartburn, diarrhea, and problems with your cycle.  For GOD'S SAKE GIVE UP WHEAT, RYE, AND BARLEY.  Just go gluten free! Do it! I'm telling you...  It was the final puzzle piece in a long line of changes that I made.  Wait till you see what happens in April 2011!




October 2010:

1st two births in the same week! To say that this experience was transformative would be a huge understatement. 7 births later and I still struggle to put into words what it is like to experience birth. I'm not sure that it can be done, but I'll keep trying. I have never been more sure that this is what I was born to do.

Gave up on house hunting for now -- results in our price range were too bleak. we decided we would lazily look at listings from now until January. At that time, we would again begin reviewing listings with renewed exuberance.




November 2010:


Not much to report.


December 2010:

Not much to report.



January 2011:

Started looking at houses again... nothing fabulous.


February 2011:

On the 26th of February, we went to look at the most ADORABLE and affordable house ever. We thought it was too good to be true. We love, love, love, LOVED IT. 3 bedroom, 1.5 bathroom, 1270 square foot cape with a partial dormer in the front. Partially finished basement (FOR MY NEW OFFICE!!!), oversized one car garage attached with screened porch/breezeway, gas fireplace (we want to convert back to wood!), fish pond, swimming pool, FABULOUS WOODEN swingset with tree house, shed, large nearly 10,000 sq. ft. yard, adorable neighborhood, hardwood floors. It was literally EVERYTHING we wanted, but it was a short sale. We decided to take a day to think about it. It would need mainly cosmetic work done -- paiting and floor refinishing in order for us to move in. The tile in the shower absolutely needs work before we can move in. This all seemed very doable.

March 2011:

On March 1, my mini schnauzer Jackson died in my arms very unexpectedly. He was not sick. He was running around fetching a toy and in 3 minutes he was dead. I will post separately about this later. It was honestly, the worst day of my life. Without question. And I have been through some very tough shit in my life.

Snapped back to real world on March the 3rd -- we went to see the house again and decided to make an official Purchase & Sale Agreement. The original offer that was on the table would need to be formally rejected before our offer could be considered. Our realtor set the agreement to expire on May 5th.

It was very difficult to go from being so sad and upside down, to having ot make a huge decision, but time was of the essence.

2 days later, we found out another offer came in just after ours did and the original offer still had not been rejected by the bank. So, they hadn't even seen our offer yet.


April 2011:

Our realtor begins encouraging us to keep our options open. We've been looking at listings, but really nothing grabs us.

We spend an entire weekend doing house drive-bys. Out of 25 listings, we come away with 5 that we are only mediocre on. I refuse to move anywhere else but the house we already put the offer on. :-)

I bought an Ovacue Monitor in March -- and holy shit I am ovulating!!!!!!!!!  The Easter Bunny was not the ONLY one with eggs this year!! :-)

May 2011:

Our agreement expires. Realtor reminds us again to keep looking. And then 4 days later, he calls and says that there is FINALLY movement! The original offer is being rejected and our offer would be presented along with another one. We decide to up our offer by a little bit to be SURE our offer is the one that is selected.

We renew our offer and expect it to take weeks before we hear anythign again. 4 hours later, the realtor calls to tell us that we just bought a house! CRAZY! But YAY!

I ovulated again!!!! My luteal phase is still too short, but I'm OVULATING!!!!

June 2011:

Sealing up house buying requirements and PACKING. Closing date is tentative for July 1, but the bank has indicated repeatedly that it will likely be the last week in June! EEP!

I am just starting to get into my fertile window according to my ovacue monitor.  Last month, my first ovulation attempt failed, but the second was successful.  I'm hoping that this month, it'll work the first time my body tries.  I am also hoping for a longer luteal phase.  With all of the excitement and stress going on, I'm expecting a very wonky cycle.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Shouting out to: A Womb of My Own

I miss you and I have no other way of contacting you. :-(

I hope all is well (and if you wanted to add me, I'd be oh so grateful!)

To everyone else, I've been working on a recap of the last year (sorry!) and hope to begin blogging with gusto again real soon!