I've thought about it endlessly. I've talked about it with friends. Some have even shared their own stories of things they remember seeing as children. One friend used to live in a very old house and her mother tells stories of how my friend used to talk to an old woman who liked to sew. The apartment that they lived in was part of a large old house. The unit that they rented was largely comprised of what used to be the woman's sewing room. My friend no longer remembers talking to this woman, or what she looked like. However, I remember her mother talking about this when we were small. In fact, her mother saw an old woman floating up and down the stairs with a sewing basket and strings of yarn trailing behind her.
When my sister was small, she was terrified of sirens and emergency vehicles of any kind. Our house was about 7 houses in from a major road, so there were always sirens. It was very difficult to play outside with her because she would shake and cry every time we heard one. One day, after a fire truck passed and I was able to calm her down, I asked her why she was so afraid of fire trucks. (I should mention that I am 15 years older than my sister.) She told me that in her old life her daddy, her OLD daddy, not the daddy she has now, saved her from a fire. Her old daddy died in the fire and that's why she doesn't like them. Fires are scary.
My sister would often say things like that. She would talk about people we couldn't see. She had an imaginary friend Maria. I often wondered how imaginary she really was.
As a child, I never had an imaginary friend. I did see things though. I had one vision that I rarely tell people about because I'm afraid they'll think I'm crazy or that I'm making it up. Sometimes, I have trouble even believing myself, but I know in my heart of hearts what I saw. I've just never been able to make sense of it. I also can't makes sense of why I don't have any concrete religious belief as a result of what I saw -- at least not in the organized religion sense. I wonder if the things that I saw are the sorts of things that make people become Nuns or Priests or whatever. My Memere has very strong Catholic faith. I have always had trouble embracing my Catholic upbringing. Even a as a child, I felt there was too much that didn't make sense to me. I never understood why I couldn't just talk directly to God and why I needed some priest to absolve me of the ridiculous "sins" that I had done as a 6 year old. My grandmother's sister, my great aunt, was a Nun. I wonder if she had a vision that drew her to serve God. She's gone now, but I wonder if my Memere knows what it was. I should ask her. Was what I saw a past life flashback? A divine vision? Who knows.
Another friend told me of lights that would descend from the ceiling of her bedroom and circle around her. I didn't get the sense from her story that she ever found them to be frightening. The story was actually pretty interesting except that we had this conversation over a year ago now, (when I first started writing this blog entry) and I no longer remember the details.
Anyway, more and more lately, I have really been connecting with my spiritual side. Religion to me always felt awkward and too ritualistic and stuffy. It focused a lot on the things you shouldn't do or the things that others shouldn't do and never really focused too much on the spiritual part. I've found something that is really working for me. I'm meditating a lot -- for me that is my way to connect to God and the Earth. For me, I don't feel like I need a middle man. I try to live my life honestly, to help others, and to be kind to the Earth. But that's what works for me and I don't expect it to work for everyone. My personal belief is that we are all worshiping the same God, but we each have a different path to follow to get there. There is no right way and no wrong way.
I do believe in past lives, spirits, and angels; I do believe our souls never die and I believe in God. I believe that kids are so close to their past lives that they can recall details about how they lived before. I don't believe in "wild imagination".