Sunday, March 3, 2013

I Just Want To Be DONE With This Part

I'm feeling a bit frustrated today.  I tested this morning, and while I know it is still on the early side, I'm not feeling terribly encouraged. 66% of pregnant people get a positive result by now.  I suppose that I could fall into that 33% of people who get a negative on 10dpo, but right now it doesn't feel likely.

At the moment, I'm wishing I had purchased only one vial and not three, because I'm feeling totally done with this process.  The money lost, alone, is killing me to think about it.  Add in the frustration of feeling gross and pregnant only to not be pregnant in the end is draining both physically and emotionally.

I'm second guessing my choice to pick a donor that does not yet have any reported pregnancies.  

I just want to scream!!!!!!!

I started off with the mindset that I knew it would take a long time to become pregnant.  I resolved to enjoy the journey and even embrace it.  I've generally managed to stay upbeat and optimistic up til now.  Now I just want to be a quitter.

In life, most things can be achieved by setting a goal, working hard, practicing, etc.  You have control.  It is up to you whether or not you succeed.  Trying to conceive is nothing like that.  You can do everything right, time everything perfectly, and you still have no control.  There's nothing you can do to make it happen.  It either happens or it doesn't.

As a person who generally sets a goal and achieves it, THIS DRIVES ME CRAZY.  Once I decide that I want to do something, I make it happen.  It will often take a long time for me to figure out what it is that I want, but I once I know, I'm unstoppable.  So, I find myself at a loss as to what more I can really do here.  Either keeping trying until the money runs out, (soon) or just quit.



2 comments:

  1. I've had several friends compare this process to working hard to get into college, or through med school....but it's not like that at all. You do everything possible to get pregnant, and yet it still might not work. No matter how hard you try. It's so frustrating.

    I hope you get good news in the next day or so!

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