Saturday, July 27, 2013


I took a little break in April to stop the madness.  In May, I tried again but increased the clomid to 100mg, but I still yielded only 2 follicles.   My lining was adequate, but not fantastic at 8.4.

I regret the May cycle, I feel like it was a waste.  At the time, I felt good about the cycle, but since it didn't work, I've done nothing but second guess the decision to move forward with that cycle.  See, I was unknowingly eating gluten during the 5 previous months.  I broke a cardinal rule of food intolerance/allergy and didn't read the label of my good seasons Italian dressing box.  Sometime since late 2012 or early 2013 they added wheat to this product, but I didn't check it, so I had no idea.  

I didn't understand why, suddenly, I was seemingly unable to digest vegetables.  I blamed milk for the horrific stomach cramps and atomic bomb like diarrhea.  I stopped eating salad and milk and I felt better.  Then, by chance, H read an article somewhere on a blog or something that revealed the culprit.  

For months, she had been telling me that I had terrible breath.  I went to the dentist, constantly chewed gum, flossed, brushed, rinsed.  The smell remained.  It came from some where (rotting) deep within me. I commented that when I would go to the bathroom that it reminded me of when I was detoxing from gluten, way back when.  It smelled like puss and disease.  I don't know why I didn't think to start checking labels, but I just didn't put all of the signs together.  Anyway, I feel strongly that my body's first reaction to gluten is stop all reproductive systems.  After the period that got in the failed March cycle, I didn't get another period.  I didn't ovulate.  This was odd since I had been regular for over a year (and my periods miraculosly became regular after 1 year off of gluten).  70 days went by and no period.  I was thinking that I wanted to try in May, but things were not looking like they were going to line up.  So, I called the dr. to get an RX for progesterone (to trigger a period), but they insisted I be seen and take the obligatory pregnancy test. ::eye roll:: 

The tests showed I was not pregnant (no kidding!) and that I hadn't ovulated.  My body was on a holding pattern, it wasn't folliculating (TM)  and it wasn't bleeding.  They basically said I could just take clomid right away and that my body would proceed to go from there.  So, I did.  I don't think I had figured out the dressing situation by that point, but I haven't had it for at least two months now and things are back in line.

I got a period after that cycle, which was also a failed cycle and then a crazy thing happened - I got another period.  It was a little late by 6 or 8 days, but it's here and it is more than adequate.

During this time, a childhood friend (hi!!!!) contacted me to let me know that she was pregnant with TWINS! ( hi A&A! welcome to the world!)  and that she had some extra meds leftover and since we go to the same practice her doctor gave her the okay to give them to ME!  Thank God for her insurance she has saved me $1,485.00 for injectible medication to stimulate my ovaries.  The other alternative was that she could throw them out! (GASP! HORROR!)  Thankfully, she thought of me instead!  She was successful on her first round of injectibles after a long time of trying and lots of blood, sweat, and tears, she knew she would not be needing these meds again.  This is AMAZING for me since my insurance is grinchy and won't cover treatment of infertility (but diagnosis of, thank goodness, since this means all of the monitoring is covered!).

The general rule of thumb is that if clomid is going to work it generally works within 3 cycles.  After that, you need to up the anti -- by this point people will then try clomid + trigger.  Well, with the cost of the swimmers (liquid platinum), my doc, H, and I decided that it made sense to just start off with clomid + trigger right away.  So, 4 cycles at 50mg + trigger did not yield the desired result.  Cycle# 5, the one I didn't blog about  was done with 100mg + trigger and follicle wise, nothing really changed.  The lining was at the minimum of acceptable to support a pregnancy, I questioned moving forward, but they told me it was adequate.  I don't know if the clomid was just producing shitty follicles (can happen) or if it was crappy lining or what, but that shit didn't work either.

Right now, I'm on CD3 and am getting ready to start cycle #6 with Gonal-F 112.5IU for CD3, CD4, CD5  -- bloodwok on CD6 and then dosing could change.  I'm terrified.

I'm terrified of multiples. TERRIFIED.  I chant to myself, ONE BABY. I chant over the fertility meds ONE BABY.

But I have only one vial of swimmers left and my funds are exhausted, so if this last vial doesn't work.  I'm on hold indefinitely until the new year.

Btw, I turned 36 in June -- 2014 seems like a whole world away, let's hope I'm not going to have to worry about 2014 funding for fertility.

Now, I'm procrastinating.  It's time for my injection.  The description to use a "dart like motion" to stab the needle in, really does not make me feel good about the idea.  I'm not an animal to be caught in the wild!  I will not be darted!

Or I will.

For the next 8 to 10 days.  Darted and left to languish through the hell of another two week wait.  Did your blood just run cold?  Yeah, mine too.

Please, God, I don't ask for too much (I don't think), but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't let these meds make me go something-something.