Sunday, June 5, 2016

Sometimes You Don't Know Until You Do.

Lots of changes since the last post.  The biggest was a job/career change a little over a year ago. It was a great move for me for so many reasons.  I love what I do and I am so much happier now. I now work in healthcare for a non-profit in Communications and Development.

Because of the job change, I didn't feel like it would be a good idea to try to get pregnant, so I put TTC on the back burner.  It was really challenging to do that emotionally, but my new position kept me very busy and I got through it.

In February 2016, I attempted to try one last ditch effort, medicated, IUI. I went for my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork and took the first letrazole dose.  The next day, they called me and canceled my cycle.  Apparently my blood sugar/hemoglobin A1C was elevated, but more concerning was that my thyroid was not at a level conducive to pregnancy. The combination of these things caused them to cancel the cycle. I was frustrated, but focused on getting the problems corrected. With diet and exercise, I've been managing my blood sugar, and I'm now taking thyroid medication every day and my thyroid is hovering around 1.5 at the last check 2 weeks ago.

In May, everything was looking good, so I attempted to resume where I'd left off in February and began my 10th and final IUI. See, way back 7 years ago, when I first started trying to get my body ready to do this thing, I swore I would never do IVF.  So much frustration and tons of tears later, my perspective has changed.  Somewhat at least.  In the next couple of weeks or so, I'll be starting lupron injections to temporarily turn off my ovaries in preparation for hyper-stimulating them for egg retrieval and IVF.  I still don't want to do it -- not in the slightest, but I'm afraid that if I don't do everything possible to try that I will regret it later.

I suppose if it works I will think it's all worth it, but right now I have all the feelings about it.  I'm afraid of what I'll find out about my eggs.  I'm afraid it won't work.  I'm afraid the medications will make me crazy and irrational.  At the same time, I'm also optimistic.  So, here's to new beginnings.  Tiny, little, squishy, wrinkled, squirmy, grunty, human beginnings.

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